Behavioral Change (Part 2)
June 17, 2009
Addicts have developed strong, highly programmed, even automatic behavior patterns in order to maintain their addiction. They will go to extraordinary lengths to deny, minimize, or rationalize this addictive behavior.
1. Focus honesty and behavior change.
This requires the therapist to maintain a strong initial focus on honesty and behavior change. When the addict seeks to divert discussion to family, emotional, or relationship concerns prematurely, the therapist must redirect attention to behavior. While effective treatment may address these issues, the clinician must help the addict stop using them to escape dealing with his or her addictive behavior.
One way of doing this is to link the tangential topics the client raises with the central issue of their addiction. For example, a counselor might refocus a client’s response toward the behavior in this way: “So how is the way you approach your anger toward your wife similar to the way you acted out your anger in your sex addiction?” “How is your tendency to denigrate yourself reflected in your addiction ritual?” The assumption here is that addiction has a life of its own and operates apart from other concerns. Unlike many other clinical issues, addiction is both symptom and disease.
2. Changing ritual behavior patterns.
All addicts will need to change certain behavior patterns. Even those who engage in substance addictions need to evaluate behaviors that lead them into their use. These behaviors are usually referred to in the addiction community as “rituals.” The competent Christian counselor will help an addict assess the cycle of how he or she acts out. What behaviors always seem to lead to the addictive behaviors? Taking detailed histories of usage and behavioral patterns will be helpful.
When this information has been sorted out, addicts must establish boundaries against those behaviors. Alcoholics will need to avoid certain friends, areas of towns, or stressful situations that lead them to drink. Food addicts may even need to avoid going to the grocery store in the early days of recovery, or they may need to schedule meals at regular times and find help to eat at those times religiously. Sex addicts will need to avoid people and places that trigger them into their fantasies or “connecting” rituals. For example, those sex addicts who use the computer to connect will need to become accountable for every minute of access to it.
3. Can’t do it alone.
I have never known an addict who can recover by him or herself. Yet, the average Christian feels that he or she should be strong enough to overcome this alone. Shame increases at the number of attempts to do so increases. The Bible teaches that we should never undertake a long journey or complicated project alone. In Nehemiah 2, for example, the king allows Nehemiah to go home to rebuild the wall of the city of Jerusalem, but he also sends the army officers and cavalry. Later in chapter 4 of Nehemiah, the strategy is that half the men build and half the men stand guard.
4. Accountability in recovery.
The key to recovering from any addiction is the need for accountability. All addicts need a number of people around them who help monitor behavior. These people will also provide support, encouragement, and affirmation. In the 12-step tradition of Alcoholics Anonymous, this is the power of the meeting and the people in it. Alcoholics have also learned they need a sponsor to help guide the process of accountability.
Addicts should not make the mistake of thinking that only one person could hold them accountable. They begin recovery believing that they are alone and abandoned. If they only have one person to be in accountability with, they may get triggered into their abandonment if that one person for whatever reason is not available. Addicts will need an accountability group, at least four or five people who really know them and whom they can call any time, day or night. Remembering that loneliness is a major factor in addiction, finding the fellowship of a group will be extremely important (The Twelve Steps, 1988).
There are innumerable 12 step types of groups today for many different addictions. These phone numbers can usually be found in the local yellow pages. More and more, Christians are trying to set up Christ centered support groups in local churches. In my field of sexual addiction, for example, several ministries are creating materials for such groups. Consult Web sites like faithfulandtrueministries.com for useful information. One Christian group, Overcomers Outreach (1994), has tried to create Christian materials for general addiction support groups.
5. The Nehemiah principle.
Nehemiah, again in chapter 4, knew that the attack of the enemy could come at any time and at the weakest place. He prepared for this. Addicts will need to prepare in their times of strength and resolve to change for these times of weakness and attack. It is not enough to wait until the attack comes. Automatic and daily preparations should happen. For example, any addict should have daily phone calls from the accountability group and regular attendance at support groups even on those days or during those weeks when they don’t feel like they need to.
Following is a short list of accountability principles that should be followed by all addicts.
1. Never try to recover alone.
2. Fellowship is equal to freedom from addiction
3. Prepare in times of strength and resolve for times of attack and weakness.
4. Be in intimate accountability with at least four to five people.
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